Living with Christmas

​Many of us look forward to the Christmas holidays.   It is a time when families and friends come together and share memories of the past and hopes for the future.  We exchange gifts and enjoy delicious meals.  While this may be what makes Christmas special, these are also reasons why some find it one of the most difficult and stressful times of the year.
 
The Meaning of Christmas
Religious stories play a significant role for many people, and the nativity can have a particular attraction for children.  Whatever this may mean for us, it is also a holiday which stretches from Christmas Eve through to the celebrations that accompany New Year. 
 
For many of us Christmas is about getting together with extended families, buying and wrapping gifts, decorating our homes inside and out and cooking a wider variety of things to eat.   Coupled with New Year celebrations it can be a time for taking off the brakes and not holding back. 
 
Recapturing the Past
Many people’s vision of Christmas dates back to the Victorian period and Charles Dickens, though every culture has their own traditions.  Common to all is perhaps nostalgia for an experience of the past, possibly imagined through the innocent eyes of a child.
 
Many of us try hard to recreate this in the hope that we can escape the pressures of today and experience the simple joys, expectation and delight that we remember from our own childhood whether real or imagined.
 
Making this One the Best
Every year we are encouraged to make this Christmas better than the last and in this time of austerity it is tempting to try to make up for any disappointments we may have experienced during the year.
 
It is hard not to make comparisons between our experiences and the idealised ones we see on television and that we imagine are taking place behind the frosted windows of other peoples’ homes.
 
The Other Side of Christmas
There is another side to Christmas. Spending time with people because we owe them a visit rather than wishing to see them can lead to tensions that can emerge as conflict.  Relationships that are shaky might struggle to survive the intensity of the period.
 
There are additional pressures in cooking larger and more complex meals possibly under greater scrutiny.  Those with issues around food or alcohol can struggle with the focus on family celebrations.
 
Trying to stretch limited resources may mean beginning the year with an even bigger mountain to climb.   This can cast a long shadow and if presents miss their mark there is every risk this will turn to resentment and recriminations.
 
This anniversary often calls to mind loved ones who are no longer with us.  Emphasising families being together can highlight the sense of loneliness experienced by people of all ages.  People living alone and those who are anxious, depressed or have phobias may find the pressure to socialise an additional challenge.
 
Having your Best Christmas
Perhaps there is another way to make this one the best.  Maybe we can let ourselves, and each other, off the hook by having a Christmas that means something just for us and those we care about.
 
If we can be realistic about what is possible and clear about what we want then we can negotiate something that works for everyone.  This means managing our expectations and those of others, such as setting limits for children and not travelling around the country to fulfil unwanted commitments.
 
If we try to stay in the moment and avoid thinking about how things should or could be, we can enjoy what is and not be bothered by assumptions about what may be happening behind other peoples’ front doors. 
 
Looking outwards rather than inwards we could think about our wider community and what we might do to ease the pressure on others.  This could be supporting the food bank, inviting a neighbour round or helping out at a lunch club.
 
If we are open and honest about our needs and expectations, then perhaps we will have an easier and more enjoyable time.
 
© 2018 Michael Golding