Living with Ambivalence

Characters whose feelings are easily understood have been popular throughout our cultural histories from traditional folk tales through to modern television soap operas.  Perhaps their appeal is that for most of us life is not like that.
 
Searching for Certainty
Many traditional stories end with a couple declaring their love and an assumption they will live happily ever after.  As we get older we recognise that far from being an ending this is the beginning of another and perhaps more complex chapter in our lives.
 
We want to know what our leaders believe but lose faith when they change their minds or express doubts about their earlier views.  While they may have lied, it could also be that a complex and possibly evolving situation cannot be reduced to a single sound bite.
 
Many of us feel uncomfortable when faced with uncertainty.  If there is no single obvious option then there is a risk we will make the wrong choice.  Opinions like our feelings can change.  Knowing how we feel about the world and the people in it is not the end of the journey, but a resting place before we start to face a new day.
 
Leaving Simplicity Behind
It is easy to imagine that life was simpler when we were children.  While our world may have been smaller my memory is of struggling to make sense of what was going on around me and trying to understand how I felt about it.
 
Historical tales often suggest they were simpler times. Yet people have been grappling with the complex issues of existence for many thousands of years through philosophy, science and the arts.
 
Rather than feel nostalgia for an imagined time of simplicity, perhaps we can recognise and learn to embrace the continuing complexity of human emotions.
 
Complex not Mixed Messages
We sometimes find ourselves blaming others for our confusion saying that they are giving us mixed messages.  You say you want to help but when I ask you make excuses; you say that you care but when I try to get near you push me away.
 
Emotions can be complicated as feelings are not always clear and change over time.  Just as there are two sides to a coin we may feel more than one emotion at a time even if they seem to contradict one another.  I want you to love me but I do not feel lovable; I want my life to be different but I am scared of making any changes.
 
Complementary not Conflicting
At first glance it may seem these feelings are at odds with one another.  As we look closer we start to see the various elements that are combining to create these feeling in us.  In the same way that primary colours, red, yellow and blue, seem very different from one another, when combined they create subtle variations.  If we can appreciate the various shades that lie beneath the headline colours we may gain a greater insight into the how and why of feelings.
 
Avoiding the Obvious to Embrace Confusion
Seeing beyond the immediate expression of emotion to explore what lies beneath may seem like a difficult journey.  Staying on the surface is limiting and focussing only on certain aspects of what is occurring risks failing to fully understand what is happening.   Anger, love, hate and fear can all exist together and looking at one while ignoring the others is only seeing part of the picture.  Immersing ourselves in the mix of diverse emotions allows us to connect with all that is going on for us and those around us.
 
Ambivalence promotes Choice
It would be simpler if there was only one option to consider. Yet if that were the case then there would be no choice.   When we are able to recognise all that may be happening we can decide what we believe to be most important at any particular time.  We live in a changing world of rich and complex emotions rather than a cartoon.
 
© 2019 Michael Golding