When your best is not enough

I thought that I was doing well in my new role.  I had brought focus and structure to the organisation through applying my knowledge and skills in key areas such as operational delivery, managing people and strategic planning.  On my appointment I had made it clear that I was inexperienced in organisational financial management and that I would need additional support.  This support was very late in coming and in the meantime I put together a simple system that allowed me to monitor the organisational finances and prepare reports for the Board.  This was much more effective than the processes already in place, and initially I was able to expand it further to meet the increasing needs of the organisation as it grew.  The Chair and the rest of the Board seemed satisfied and appeared to have all of the information they needed to support their financial planning.  Every year I quizzed the accountants about the suitability of these arrangements, and was told that while it was unorthodox it seemed to be working well and they saw no reason to change.

Several years passed and the scale of the organisation, and the range of services it was providing, had increased significantly along with the complexity of the external environment.   With my home-grown systems I was now barely holding my own, though it was only much later when faced with extreme financial pressures and dwindling reserves that this became fully apparent.  

I had been comparing my performance with my expectation of what I would be able to do.  I was surprised by what I had achieved and so I wrongly assessed the outcome, exaggerating its true value.  This was probably also the case for those around me.  Had we made comparisons with other similar organisations, rather than with our expectations of our own abilities, we may have noticed the gap a lot sooner.  While perhaps I was flourishing personally, after a time this became less than was needed.

I had learned a lot and was able to stretch the limits of my ability and understanding in a particular area, where before I had only theoretical knowledge.  I was satisfied with the results but in this particular case I was using the wrong measuring stick.  I was looking to my expectations and those close to me to measure my performance.  Had I looked a little further, beyond my own immediate situation, I could have made more useful comparisons.  In the beginning I was flourishing but at some point this positive individual experience began to have a negative impact on the organisation that for a time nobody seemed to notice. 

It is not just about what I was able to do and what was best for me.  Whatever may have been happening for me, the organisation as a whole was far from flourishing.  My distress flares finally received a response from the Board and at a time of financial crisis we had to completely reorganise our financial structures using our limited resources to purchase high-level external expertise.  I was later severely penalised for some of my financial management decisions. 

I believe that we are here to flourish both individually and collectively. This puts a responsibility on us to help others to flourish, and to help create an environment in which we can all flourish.  This argument is easy to make when we talk about children, but I believe it continues to be valid for all of us at every stage of our lives.

Flourishing is not a once in a lifetime experience, nor is it a plateau which we aim to reach so we can then stop striving.  We may achieve what is best for us today but another day is another situation.  We therefore continue, not starting again but building upon what we have learnt about ourselves and the world that we inhabit.  This can be imagined as a spiral that moves continuously through a range of similar processes and which progresses ever upwards.  Each time-cycle brings its own circumstances and just as you cannot step into the same place twice in a flowing river, no two seasons are the same.  Extending this metaphor, if you fail to flourish at any time as you work your way around, it will not keep you from flourishing in the future.

Your best might be enough for now but if you do not continue to grow, either through lack of ability or interest, your best may not always be enough for a particular situation and it is important to acknowledge this without shame. 

 © 2014 Michael Golding