Living with Isolation

​While there are people who have lived a solitary life for many years, recent developments have meant that many of us are learning what it is like to live in isolation.
 
Experiencing Isolation
The experience of isolation can be characterised by too much spare time and not enough human contact.  For some it can be a relief to spend time alone but if it continues for too long it starts to have an impact on how we see the world and our place within it. This can significantly affect our behaviour and the way we relate to other people. 
 
While this can be thought to affect only those who live alone, couples and families forced into isolation can also experience similar changes. This can be seen in how they relate to each other as well as the world outside.
 
Potential Impact
The growing sense of detachment from the world that can result from isolation can creep up on us.  We may think we have successfully adapted to our new situation even as we are starting to develop strange behaviours and change our ideas about people. Without any external challenge our attitudes and behaviours can become increasingly extreme and out of kilter with others.  This can make it harder for us to connect with others, which further compounds the situation.
 
It can be important to periodically take some time to reflect upon our lives. However if we spend too much time dwelling upon our situation, without the balance of other opinions, we risk becoming depressed about the past and anxious about the future. This can be a potentially dangerous and debilitating mix.
 
Social Isolation
Without regular and varied interaction with others our thoughts and feelings can start to move along an ever narrower track.  Our sense of what is important can start to shift so that we find ourselves focussing only on certain details rather than the picture as a whole. We may find our lives rebalancing around particular interests or pleasures so that more and more of our time is spent on fewer and fewer activities. This lack of variety can mean our tribe of like-minded people starts to shrink which risks intensifying our feelings of being alone.
 
Emotional Isolation
One of the risks of isolation is a diminishing sense of our own value. It is tempting to link contact with caring and to imagine that our contact with others is evidence of how much they care.  When contacts become infrequent, or stop, it is a short step to wondering that if nobody cares about us why should we care about ourselves.  This opens the door to personal neglect and a range of other unhealthy behaviours.
 
Spiritual Isolation
Whatever our viewpoint there is a spiritual element to all of our lives. Our beliefs and values are confirmed by our experiences and also challenged by them.  This creates a dynamic relationship around how we interact with the world as each fresh contact impacts upon our thoughts and feelings.   Without regular challenge this reflective energy is lost and we can become stuck, like an unoiled machine that rusts until it can no longer move.
 
Keeping in Step
Whether we are predominantly introvert or extrovert we all need to feed from the same diet of social interaction.  While most will have felt alienated on occasion, these experiences are usually offset by those times when we feel we are walking in step with others. When this happens, however large or small the group, there is a sense of togetherness that is nourishing and sustaining.  Without this we can start to wither and feel like we are moving through autumn into a permanent winter.
 
Managing Isolation
Perhaps the solution lies in part in learning to manage the excess time and the reduced human contact.  Establishing and maintaining a balance of routine and variety creates a structure. While an explicit need to get up in the morning may no longer exist, there is a subtler reason for keeping to a timetable. Without this discipline each day risks becoming the same and we begin losing our sense of dynamic connection with the world.
 
We have all become used to doing things we do not choose and this too can be important in maintaining our sense of balance.  Without this grist the millstones grind against each other and will eventually crack.
 
Many of our social interactions are random and not always with people we know or care about.  Yet all are important in keeping us looking outside of ourselves and our own situation into the world beyond.  It may be that more effort is required to set these up and make them happen.  While it may feel like an effort to stay connected, the cost of not doing so is high and the longer we leave it the harder it becomes to reach across the divide.
 
We need to be constantly proactive about reaching out and connecting. If you are isolated reach out to others, if they are isolated reach out to them.
 
© 2020 Michael Golding