Choosing the Drivers to Flourishing

I believe that we all carry within us the necessary drivers to support our individual flourishing.  However, like all living things we are shaped by our environment.  In our case the biggest influence comes from the people around us, though circumstances may also play a significant role.  For most of us our early relationships influence our perception of our own ability while our circumstances affect the scale at which we are likely to be able to flourish.  Although there are often quoted examples where ability and ambition have gelled to allow people to transcend their origins, these are statistically rare and can easily become a distraction. 

In addition to the abilities that we have in common with others, we have individual talents that can be nurtured to become skills at various levels of specialisation, potentially to a degree that makes them unique.  Nurturing can be as much about protection from the harmful effects of toxins as ensuring maximum benefit through the addition of nutrients, while circumstances can complement or impede this growth.

With regard to individual flourishing, I draw no major distinction between successful entrepreneurs who may be running a corner shop or an international retail chain.  The differences between them are the scale of their operations and the scope of their influence. These can be traced back to the circumstances surrounding their personal development and how they have matched their ambition with opportunity.

Accepting that we each have a number of drivers, we also have the choice of which to pursue.  This requires us to identify, understand and acknowledge our abilities and then align these with our own individual interests.  The advantage that knowledge brings when it becomes understanding is to increase the choices available to us.  Those around us may encourage us to choose freely or seek to limit us through social or cultural stereotyping.  We may resist or acquiesce, take an easy path or one that stretches our abilities, depending on the voice we choose to listen to.

Identifying our actual and potential skills and abilities can happen naturally throughout our childhood and may even be regarded as one of the key objectives of formal education though this is seldom explicit.  This is an ideal time to learn about ourselves as well as the world we inhabit, and to explore how the two might fit together. 

For me this started out well enough with creativity being encouraged and individuality applauded.  All too soon this became a case of trying to round off the edges so that we could all squeeze into a similar mould. This left some of us worrying about the gaps that remained, and we tried filling the holes with other people’s left-overs.  Not surprisingly they did not fit and failed to connect fully with what was already there.  The shapes that emerged were recognisable from a distance but uniformity diminished the closer you got.  It took me many years to remove the extras I had tacked on and return to my original self, and it felt very much like I was starting again.  I can see now that the mould had become so worn that even the original pattern would not have recognised it as their own.  This had as much to do with the time I spent at home as well as school, and it was only when I was sufficiently removed from both that new growth that was truly my own could begin.

The motivation to become our best, rather than an idea of best that is inherited or introjected from those around us, is a fundamental desire and a natural process.   It will shine through if unfettered by the negative influences and distractions of others and if it is nourished appropriately.  It will be brightest when it is based on our own personal drivers to flourishing and not reflecting back the light from others.

There will be times when we need help with identifying our possible drivers, with deciding which will become our focus and how they can be nurtured.  There is nothing to be gained by lamenting the false starts, the dead-ends we wandered down and the wrong directions we were given.  Instead let us seek out those who can work with us to find our light and feed our flames so that we can become our brightest and our best.

© 2014 Michael Golding